So my darling middle child has been learning to use the potty. He mastered the number 1 business early over the summer time. He pretty much just ran around in his lil undies all day like a barefooted little heathen. He's quite accomplished in this area and very proud, as am I. However, number 2 has been an issue. He refuses to do it on the potty. After waking up to a disaster in his underwear several mornings in a row I decided to put him back in diapers just at night time. He goes every morning in his diaper when he wakes up. This has been an acceptable arrangement for the last couple months. The problem is he's nearing 3 and I'm just plain tired of all the dirty diapers. I've been trying more aggressively to get him to use the potty for all his business and he still does not want to do it. He screams, "I'm not going to! I don't want to! I don't have to!" for the full 5 minutes at a time I make him sit there until the next time the timer goes off and he is required to sit there. He stubbornly refuses and boy does he have good control of his bodily functions because not until I put a diaper on him will he go.
Why am I telling you all this? What? You don't like learning about my child's bowel movements? *shocked face* OK so a couple days ago I was sharing my burdens with group of moms. We were all talking about the problems we're currently having with our children. But before that we were sharing how memorizing scripture is really changing a lot of things in our lives.
We started committing to a memorizing a Psalm a month. Last month was Psalms 61. Oh so many wonderful things in this scripture. It's really encouraged us all the last couple of weeks.
I began to share about how a couple of weeks ago I prayed it over someone. I shared that originally I was telling myself "don't say anything, don't pray, do. not. open your mouth." Then this scripture filled my heart to overflowing and it seemed to really be encouraging for everyone who heard it, as the Word of God tends to be.
I was telling my friends about it, my point being how awesome Psalms 61 is. One of the women (some of you know S. Sealy, who I now must give credit for this blog inspiration and title) asked why the personal struggle to pray for someone? Why was I saying, "no, not going to do it." because, as she pointed it out, it's like my son saying, "I don't want to go POOP!"
This caused a great amount of giggling and full out belly laughter in all of us but it really got me thinking. So I responded that it seems that every time I open my mouth I have the tendency to embarrass myself some how. Being a chatterbox growing up, I was told constantly to be quiet or stop talking or to lower my voice. Add that to the fact that I'm younger then all of my friends and I have an equation that adds up to a lot of insecurity about talking to other people about the Lord or praying for people. I commented to my friends that I feel like if I open my mouth something really horrible will come out. This of course set them up to compare me once again to my son on the potty and what his possible fears are about. In case you didn't catch the comparison, he may also be afraid of opening up and something horrible coming out.
Well I don't really have any answers about this but I wanted to share my journey. One of our pastors shared yesterday that we've all been given something very specific that no one else has to equip us and prepare us to share the gospel. We'll be accountable for this one day and even though we may try to blame our disobedience on lack of confidence or insecurity or just an attitude of playing it safe that that will not be acceptable. Not when He's so freely given us grace and healing for those areas.
Let me leave you with one last thought. When I was a bit younger and really involved in ministry I felt this insecurity. I was trying to remember how I overcame this before and I remembered a scripture I feel like the Lord specifically led me to.
Jeremiah 1 NASB
The Call of Jeremiah
4 The word of the LORD came to me, saying,
5 “Before I formed you in the womb I knew[a] you,
before you were born I set you apart;
I appointed you as a prophet to the nations.”
6 “Alas, Sovereign LORD,” I said, “I do not know how to speak; I am too young.”
7 But the LORD said to me, “Do not say, ‘I am too young.’ You must go to everyone I send you to and say whatever I command you. 8 Do not be afraid of them, for I am with you and will rescue you,” declares the LORD.
9 Then the LORD reached out his hand and touched my mouth and said to me, “I have put my words in your mouth.
I have often reminded God that I am young and don't have the right words. He's constantly reminding me that that is not an excuse.