The last few weeks I've been waking up at 6:00 am. My kids don't usually wake up until 7:30ish so waking up so early was initially kind of annoying. But after the first couple of mornings fighting to go back to sleep I finally got up and out of bed. I came downstairs and it was sooooo quiet! It was so nice that now when I wake up and see how early it is I jump right out of bed and enjoy the calm before the storm. HA! I make my coffee and often times just sit in silence until my kids wake up. Sometimes I zone out and don't think about anything, I think my brain just needs that every now and then; to be completely unplugged from the internet, tv, kid problems, and grown up problems. And while reflective silence is amazing, I usually end up spending this time in worship and prayer in His presence. It's so wonderful!
This morning, I made my coffee, nibbled a piece of fruit and turned worship music on. I found myself just slouched down into the couch, eyes closed, face lifted up, my body completely relaxed, just breathing in the stillness and peace of the moment. And there I found myself sitting with Jesus. In my imagination? In the Spirit? Whatever you're more comfortable with but in my heart I could see us sitting together. I was sitting on the floor next to Him, leaning on His knee, and He gently stroked my hair. And there are no words between us. Just breathing, just peace, just contentment, just shalom. And it's more then enough for me for I could only stand it a few minutes before I found myself face down on the couch melted by the power of His great love and joy in me. How is it without saying a single word He tells me all I need to know? Do you know that feeling? Like every crack and crevice of your being is being filled? At least for the moment you are whole, made complete in Him.
So here is a thought I had this morning once my kids woke up and came down the stairs one by one. After they each had their morning snuggles and kisses and smiles and it was time to make breakfast I thought, "ya know maybe I'll set my alarm and get up a little earlier so I can have more time with Pappa." This is serious because I set my alarm for no man. That's just how good this morning time is. But in that moment I locked eyes with Him and I could feel that unspoken desire, or entreaty to stay. "Just stay with Me." It's not like He doesn't know what my life is like so why would He ask me if I weren't able to say yes and if He weren't able to make it happen? So what if we could stay there, in that place with Him always? What if during the craziness of our day our soul, our inner being, could be with Him in that place? And what if every decision, thought, action, motivation came out of that place of wholeness and dependence on Him? How would my day be different if I didn't carry the worries, stress, frustrations, brokenness, suffering, pain, and empty places of this life? If my soul was at rest, and kneeling by the One who makes me whole would I react in anger or frustration? Or could I suddenly find myself with an untapped reserve of patience, compassion, and peace of mind? How do I do that? I feel like for now, for me it means just carrying an awareness that this is happening. If I have to "do" anything then isn't it beside the point?
Maybe it means just stopping what I'm doing and breathing Him in, maybe meditating on His goodness and seeing myself with him. Maybe it means surrendering some things. Maybe it means waking up early and giving Him my day and finding my center to start out with. Maybe it means blogging about it haha! I hope so! And I'm certainly on a journey to find out.
I hope your day and heart would be filled with the joy and peace that comes only from Him.