Thursday, November 3, 2011
We sang a song last night all about God's light shining forth, like the dawn. It reminded me of a Word that was given to me a little while back ago from Proverbs 4:18.
That shines brighter and brighter until the full day.
How I wish I could wake up and be made complete in my salvation, free of the struggles of this life and desires of my human nature. But the path of righteousness is a slow, consistent one that grows brighter and brighter, like the dawn.
I cried out to Him last night.
Lord I so desperately want to humble myself, fall flat on my face before you in total, complete surrender. But there remains parts of me that stubbornly refuse. All I can do is cry out to You for help and forgiveness. Show me Your mercy. But in Your mercy and Your goodness brake me if that's what it takes. For it's in the desert that I sing and in my loneliness that I call on You. In my brokenness You are great and in my barrenness You reveal my need for You alone.
Doesn't God's Kingdom seem so backwards at times? In Jesus' ministry He came in and just turned the world upside down on the Jews. Take Matthew 5 for example.
3"You're blessed when you're at the end of your rope. With less of you there is more of God and his rule.
4"You're blessed when you feel you've lost what is most dear to you. Only then can you be embraced by the One most dear to you.
5"You're blessed when you're content with just who you are—no more, no less. That's the moment you find yourselves proud owners of everything that can't be bought.
7"You're blessed when you care. At the moment of being 'care-full,' you find yourselves cared for.
I love the way this speaks. You are blessed when you're at the end of your rope, when you've lost what is most dear, when you're content with just who you are, when your care too much.
Honestly, I don't want to be any of those things. Who wants to be at the end of their rope or to have lost what is most dear to them? But I think that that is key to this special blessing. I think for people who have been in that place of trying everything on their own and so tragically failing, they are blessed. When they are lying broken and bleeding the breaking light of dawn shines through and they find themselves in the splendor of His brilliance. Then you know you never could go back. Never. You find yourself in His embrace, proud owner of everything that can't be bought. It's the great mystery of His kingdom. He came in His mercy and died in my place. In His goodness and sovereign grace He sweeps me away and nothing else matters. Nothing. Not my children, or my husband, or my family, or my life. Hidden in Him I find the peace that overflows. Part of me shakes in fear at the thought of loosing those things but then He touches that place in my heart that beats only for Him I'm swept away again in His embrace. When hope and faith fail me He covers me in His love and nothing else matters.