Thursday, August 11, 2011

Little Girl Hearts

I spend a lot of time in prayer. Well I hesitate to even say "prayer" because to me praying is just talking God and since He's my best friend I talk to Him often. But I know that usually if you say "pray" you get an image of sitting in a closet on your knees praying. That's awesome but I don't spend a lot of time doing that. I do spend a lot of time talking to God. It usually involves praise, lots of thankfulness, and thoughts for my loved ones. I'm not asking for a pat on the back or anything just giving you some background because recently while "praying" I realized, or maybe was enlightened by the Spirit that I never ask Father for anything. By that I mean, stuff like physical stuff. I ask for a lot of spiritual things. I really do just want to know Him more, to love Him more, to trust Him more, to see Him more. All of which are good but I felt the Father tugging on me to just ask Him for something. Anything. So I'm sitting there thinking about what I should ask for. Believe it or not I was having a hard time. Still am. Isn't it selfish to ask for stuff for myself? Isn't it frivolous to ask for stuff when there are starving children out there? Hurting people who don't know Him? Still thinking....obviously this thought can not be from God. I reject it. I praise Him more. It crosses my mind again. "Just ask me." *sigh* "Ok well I guess I should ask for wisdom...but even then I don't care so much about that. I just want to know your ways Father." If it's possible that you can hear God sigh I did. Haha!

Why am I at this place that it feels selfish to ask my loving Father for something just because I'm His daughter and I know He loves me and delights in bringing me happiness? Am I the only one in this place? He cares about the things I care about, even the silly simple things. If we can't be real and honest with God then what's the point? Of anything? I know this can all be taken the wrong way. It is selfish to constantly just ask God for stuff that really has no meaning in the Kingdom. I'm not saying we should treat God like Santa Claus. But He put us in a physical world and is not surprised by our desires. Like my daughter asking my husband for a new doll. A toy doesn't contribute to the family at all. No one else will enjoy playing with it and doesn't she already have a couple of dolls? Doesn't the fact that she can ask for it anyway speak of the closeness of their relationship? She trusts him not to throw it back in her face that she's being selfish. She knows she might not get it but maybe she will. And doesn't her daddy delight in saying yes? He loves seeing that smile on her face when he brings home something she's been asking for just because he loves her.

I guess I'm just talking about a new level of intimacy with the Father. Most of us have come from such a broken place that trusting Him with basic stuff like love and grace has been hard enough but lets allow ourselves to grow a bit and trust Him to know our motives are pure and if they're not to lovingly get us back on track. If He really is my best friend wouldn't it be natural to talk about, well, natural stuff and not just spiritual things? Why would I want to keep any part of myself from Him just because I am afraid He might think I'm selfish and silly? Oh there's that word I hate, "fear." UGH! Does it all come down to fear? Insecurity? And if that's true doesn't it really all come from pride? If so would you join me in surrendering that today?

Father would you sweep us away in Your loving arms today? For every person reading this would you give strength and security? Forgive us for holding back anything from you. We know You hold our hearts in Your loving, gentle hands. We trust You with them. We surrender to You. Our will. Our desires. Our little girl and boy hopes and dreams. Shine You light on us today. Thanks....

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