No Borders, Boundaries, or Personal Space

Personal Space. We all need that right? You have to have balance. You can't say yes to everyone. You can't be pouring out your heart to people constantly because you'll get burn out. You can't volunteer for everything and you can't DO everything. Sometimes you just gotta say no. Sometimes you have to hold people at a distance. Especially those certain people. You know the ones I'm talking about. Those that just take and take and take. Those that criticize everything you do and say. We need boundaries for people like that....RIGHT?

Some people really struggle with this. So they wrote a book about it. Lots of books out there on how to just say no, to have healthy boundaries in place so you don't get hurt, don't give too much, and don't get burn out. Because let's face it people, there are leeches out there. Lost, hurting people that see life in you and they want it. They'll suck the very life out of you so be careful, put up boundaries so you don't get hurt.....RIGHT?

Sounds good, sounds true. God wouldn't want us to pour out to someone who doesn't appreciate it or will take advantage of us or will hurt us. Don't cast your pearls among the swine, right? I know I've thought and believed these things. I've even given advice along these lines. So why is Pappa stirring this up so in my heart lately? Why do I feel Him tugging at some of those borders, boundaries, and personal space bubbles I've erected? Could He have something better in mind? Could He have another, fuller, better, more satisfying way for me to live then for me to guard my heart and home? Let me share some of the questions, and ideas swirling around in my spirit today. Journey with me as I work this out for myself.

What if instead of saying yes or no we inquired? What if we asked Him if He wants us to do something? What if instead of pouring out of ourselves we poured out of Him, and were extension of His heart?  What if we never had to fear burning out because there was grace to accomplish whatever He told us to do? What if there was a never-ending supply of resources, peace, love, grace, compassion, consideration, patience, etc.? What if we didn't turn anyone away who was hungry, weary, or hurting even if we didn't agree with what they believe or their actions? I promise you He will never, ever have you turn someone away. That's just not who He is. Even if they've hurt you in the past, even when they've hurt Him, He always hopes. So, what if we were just Love? What if we never had to fear for ourselves or our hearts? What if we never had to be afraid of getting hurt? What if we were so so deep in Him and we so trusted His love, acceptance, and His satisfaction in us that we could be free and vulnerable with people? What if we didn't have to worry if they liked us or about how they might treat us because who they say we are doesn't matter? What if we, like Him, were not afraid of sin?

I'm being reminded of all the walls, and boundaries that I've put into place and every single one that I can think of is there out of fear: fear of being taken advantage of, fear I might be treated badly, fear I might not be heard, fear I might not be seen for who I am, fear that my kids might be hurt or see something I think they shouldn't.  And here's a thought about our children: what if who they were created to be was one of our greatest resources? What if who they are is the Part of Pappa He wants to show to someone hurting? What if we could trust Pappa to protect them as well? Every single wall I've raised was put there by me, to protect myself. Never has He instructed me to protect myself ever. Period. Oh and here's a doosie, there are even a couple of walls to protect my Self from my God. Because what if asks me to do something I don't want to do or if He does something I don't understand? What if I can't trust Him.....?

I'm ready for a world, for a Church that throws their concern for "balance" out the window. What does that even mean? "Oh be careful, stay in balance." Well here's the deal folks, everywhere I look the world is so OUT of balance and in wrong direction, and if I can be so bold, all these fears are a major factor. What if the church stopped worrying about getting burn out or getting out of balance or with giving too much that they didn't have anything left for themselves or their family? What if we trusted our Father and go where He says go and give when He says give and trust that He will take care of us and ours? People are hurting and dying out there and I have the tendency to look the other way because what if I get hurt? I ignore the starving and cold man on the street because what if He tries to hurt me or my children? I push off the needy relative or acquaintance because I'm too tired, or have nothing to give, or am too offended by their neediness. But what would this world look like if instead of being afraid we might have to do something, we asked if HE wants to do something? What if my children saw me trusting Pappa and living out His Gospel instead of being consumed with self or fears? What if they saw me loving with a fierce love that could only come from Him? What if I CAN trust Him? What would happen if we did trust Him?

A friend of mine, nah a crazy rock star uncle of mine, shared this on his Facebook status and I had to share.

"Pride cannibalizes awe. When our thoughts drift to how we have been poorly treated, how we are right or deserving of more, or how we will never be good enough, our worship is devoured, eaten up by the Self. We remain under the umbrella of our own authority, recognizing no greater authority and no longer enjoying greater Greatness. There is an antidote to pride, and it is not to think less of ourselves. Instead, we ought to dwell upon the God who did become one of us, who gracefully withstood our scorn and self-adulation. Jesus is the God who, in the face of pride, calls us to the cross. How can we be proud there?" 

And can I add, how can we be afraid there? 

Do you feel convicted? Is it a holy, righteous fire that fuels that conviction? My heart burns with it now and I've found that it's much better and easier to respond quickly to Him then to wait until that fire has grown cold. Let's be His hands and feet and stopping playing church and Be the church.

Grace and Peace.

DO you have the right to an opinion?

You don't have to look far to see something you don't agree with. Especially if you call yourself a Christian. I almost hate to use that term because it's practically become a derogatory term. To clarify, by "Christian" I mean someone who genuinely loves the Lord and is doing their best to let Him actually BE their Lord. As a Christian, living in the freedom of His Lordship, it's easy to see those that are not living that way and see the negative that lifestyle may bring...in your opinion that is. It's easy to see the darkness when you're used to living in His light. It's easy to see the lack all around you when you're living in His provision. It's easy to see fear and hate and all around ugliness when you are so aware of His peace, love, and beauty. And so it's easy to point it out. And it's easy to start to think that you have the right to point it out. It's easy to begin to forget that all those beautiful things are bestowed on you because you have a gracious and loving Father and not because you some how are more deserving then someone who is living in darkness.

Lately I've seen and heard fellow Christians voicing their opinions...and claim the right to those opinions concerning the choices of not love in others. Don't get me wrong, I've been guilty of this myself. The real question in my heart lately, though, has been, "Do I actually have the RIGHT to my opinion??"  I've been hearing lately by many this idea that we all have this God-given right to our opinions. And well, that just doesn't feel right to me.

When a famous person does something I may not approve of, do I have the right to form an opinion about whether I think it's wrong, because hey, after all aren't they a role model and haven't they chosen to be in the public eye and don't they have the responsibility of living a perfect life?? When the President makes a decision that I don't agree with don't I have the right to voice my opinion about it on a social network? When my pastor decides to wear jeans instead of a suit don't I have the right to form my own opinion about whether or not he's being spiritual enough? When another mom at the grocery store has clearly chosen a different style to parenting isn't it right for me to voice my opinion about it? Or maybe even just think about my opinion about it?

I started thinking about what that word opinion really meant because I think Christians have turned it into something it's not and to quote Fezzik from The Princess Bride, "I do not think that word means what you think it means." So I looked it up in the good ole dictionary. Opinion: 1. a belief or judgment that rests on grounds insufficient to produce complete certainty. 2. a personal view, attitude, or appraisal. 3. a judgment or estimate of a person or thing with respect to character, merit, etc.

By forming a personal opinion about someone you are judging them. It's that plain and simple. Whether you voice it or not it's judgement. And what does judgement mean? It means the ability to judge, make a decision, or form an opinion objectively, authoritatively, and wisely, especially in matters affecting action; good sense; discretion. So essentially by forming an opinion about someone or their actions you have taken a place of authority in their life. You have come to the conclusion as to whether they are right or wrong. Who's place of authority you ask? Ahhh and here's where you may want to stop reading...it's God's place.
 
Can we have a moment of silence for all the pieces of our souls that just died? *Gulp* 

OK so here's the deal. I'm not writing this blog because I've formed the opinion that every one is too opinionated and judgmental. I've just noticed a trend, especially on social media, and especially from Christians on social media who are making judgements and justifying them with the word opinion. And so the truth is we're not called to be opinionated or judgmental. We're called to be the Love poured out, the Compassion driven, Forgiveness giving people He's created us to be and modeled for us in His very existence. Obviously, that doesn't mean agreeing with or encouraging behavior that is blatantly not love. Let's just remember that none of us would be the same without Jesus and if someone's life is reflecting a life with out Him it's cause for compassion and love not judgement and shame. 

So in conclusion, based purely off the definition of the words opinion and judgement and the well known Scripturally based standards concerning judgement the answer to the question in the title of this blog, NO we do NOT have the RIGHT to our opinions. Would you please join me in repenting for all the times we've done this and let's receive His forgiveness and His supernatural revelation concerning these things? Let's ask Him to teach us how to love the unlovable, those easy to judge, and let Him fill your heart with compassion for all those who are desperately in need of it.

A Priest, a Rabbi, and a Jehovah's Witness walk into a bar....

So what do a priest, a rabbi, and a Jehovah's witness all have in common besides the start of a bad joke and now the title of this blog post? Two words come to mind: organized religion. Lately I've been contemplating the idea of the Church and exactly what that means for us, big picture as THE Church and small scale for our family. I got to thinking about why we do what we do when it comes to our practices and beliefs, how we fellowship and why we chose our path of worship. I also recently read a book that got me thinking a bit deeper a long these lines.

I first started thinking about all the things I love about different religions because here's the deal, I love people. I love all types of people. Even Muslims. Even Jews. Even Catholics. And even though I've chosen my own way to worship and like every one I tend think my way is the better way there are still many things that I genuinely appreciate about other religions and people groups. For example, I love traditions. I love routine and I have a hard time with change. This part of my self is extremely drawn to avenues of faith like Catholicism and the Orthodox Church. I love the structure, and the preciousness of different rituals and ceremonies that go deep with their meaning. I'm also a little wild and crazy. May be why the Pentecostal church draws my admiration. Sometimes I want to drop all the constraints of those traditions and run around the church screaming about how amazing my God is and of His amazing love and grace poured over me with out measure.

Here's another thing about me: I am a true missionary at heart. I have deep compassion for people who don't know this Love that I have come to know and can't live with out. I love the Baptist heart for missions. What an amazing work they have done all over the world. Another reason I love those of the Methodists stream. Hate the sin, love the sinner is their motto and you can see it by the size of their churches. You don't get that large by making people feel unwanted.

Jehovah's Witnesses. What can I say about them. Do I brace myself when they come to the door? Um, yes. But listen, something moves them to go door to door telling people of their faith. I don't know many others that do this. It is a strong belief and a strong love that brings them to a stranger's door to tell them about Jesus as they know Him. And I just can't judge a person for that.

I could go on and on because there are sooooo many different religions. But obviously there are parts of each one that I don't agree with because I've been called a different way. The number one reason I am pulled away from organized religion, non denominational or otherwise is this, any time there is a hard and fast rule about anything, a standard of measure for which to judge someone...eek that's where I want to jump ship pretty quick.

So I started thinking about this book I had read. It was one man's journey from being lost in a world without Jesus to pastor and finally leaving the typical church and having "house church". Our family attends a non denominational church and an even less traditional house church...of sorts. HA! I truly believe every church has the opportunity to be used by God in a unique and individual way not unlike each person is created with a specific design and purpose. Our church has such a beautiful anointing for healing those wounded by other churches, cause hey, it happens. Another church comes to mind that has a huge and fabulous children's ministry and in all the years it's been around I can't remember one time a public scandal has been a part of it's history. That's pretty amazing. But what if this author is right when he says the Church is supposed to be like family?

And that's exactly what I'm finding. A family. But why does that start freaking people out? Because it really does. You start talking about meeting as a family, worshiping God together, caring, and helping each other like a family and people start getting a bit uncomfortable. Why?

Let me back up and share some observations with you. These are my own personal observances and may not be true for anyone else. But what I've noticed in every single "church" that I've been apart of is this allowance for the possibility of what is most often described as "Guests" or "Newcomers". The pastor and worship leader are constantly aware of the possibility of guests, people who may never have been in a church, seen a church, heard the name of Jesus, or only recently started coming to their church. The entire service then caters to this possibility. For example, a church with, let's say 300 people is made up of 90-95% faithful attendees and in the case of Tulsa, Oklahoma those people are largely made up of families who consist of children of God who were raised in the church, who've been "saved" for as long as they can remember. And all of those God-fearing people are also aware of the possibility of newcomers. So when the pastor gives the salvation message again at the end of service everyone quietly, patiently, faithfully listens and hopes that perhaps someone will be saved today. But the odds of someone in that 5-10% not being saved are pretty slim, especially in this area. But nonetheless the entire service is custom made for what is lovingly known as a "Baby Christian" or someone who is "Lost" someone hearing the Word of God for the first time. So how does a church ever become grown up Christians made up of mature sons or daughters of God? Their own personal quiet time, small groups, discipleship groups, and Bible studies are an excellent place to start. But what if there is another way? What if the Church was a family?

What if when you gathered together with your family to worship you were all aware of who each other are? You would be aware if there was a stranger in your midst and you would cherish the chance to get to know him or her. And what if when you began to share with one another it was with a knowledge that you were all on a journey to maturity, to adulthood in your faith? And what if worship was about really touching the heart of the Father and less about getting everyone to sing the words or stand or not stand or clap or not clap or just be comforted because of bone weariness life lived alone apart from a family?? What if you went somewhere in worship? What if you, altogether as a family, accomplished something in the Spirit for the Kingdom? What if instead of spending time shaking hands with the stranger next to you, you hugged your sis and in that moment you knew your hearts where somehow joined as one? What if instead of taking up tithes and offering and hearing another message about why we take up tithes and offerings you spent time sharing about how God made provision supernaturally that week? What if, instead of listening to a message largely catered to a Guest, or someone who doesn't know of Christ's love, you shared and listened to what God is doing and speaking into the hearts of His grown up children TODAY??

Why is family so weird?? Because it's made up of crazy uncles, red headed step children, goofy cousins, and protective older brothers? Ha well there is that. For me if I had my choice I'd rather be THAT family, the big fat Greek family all up in each others business. Because what if your car broke down? Wouldn't it be nice if you had a cousin that could fix anything with an engine and could come fix it NO CHARGE? What if you had sister you could call when you were desperate for a babysitter? What if you had a mom and a dad that was just always there? What if you had an uncle that could build anything, home, barn, shed, or just be there to help hang a shelf or fix a broken cabinet? What if you needed help moving? Wouldn't it be great if there was an army of family to get you packed, loaded, and unloaded in one Saturday and the only thing they expected was some pizza at the end of the day? What if you went a little over board and bought a new entertainment center off craig's list made of real wood and it had to be picked up TODAY and oh yeah it's upstairs? Wouldn't it be nice if you had a brother you could call to help pick it up? And wouldn't it be funny if that brother accidentally dropped his end and broke one of the doors and then you had license to tease him for all time? What if there was always a birthday, wedding, or birth to celebrate? What if there was always someone to help keep you on the straight and narrow, to pray with you, encourage you, hug you, cry with you, SEE you for who you were created to be, and speak that into your life even if you don't believe it yourself???

Well all those things I have and are real life examples of my family outside of church. I'm not saying you can't find a "family" within a church but my prayer for the Church is that instead of watering down Christianity we could all grow up, see each other, and go outside those walls to find and rescue the "lost" instead of waiting and hoping they find us. And if that's weird...well wouldn't be the first time I've been called that!

Worship Starts At Home

I was inspired to write this blog today after spending some time worshiping the Lord with my kids in my living room. I was sitting in a chair and Bret, my 2 year old was sitting in my lap. And he takes my hand and draws it to his cheek. And he says, "I love you Mommy." And he smiles with that smile that melts my heart every stinking time. And I hear my Pappa whisper to my heart, "You melt my heart like that. You draw My hand to your cheek and you smile and say 'I love You' and you melt my heart. Just. Like. That."

Of course by this time tears are streaming down my face. I breathe in the peace of the moment and this is worship. And I started to think how often this happens. My kids and I daily spend time together just listening to worship music. And we dance. And we sing. LOUD. And we are wild and we laugh. Sometimes it's quiet and we smile at each other or we snuggle under a blanket and just hold each other close. And He fills our hearts and our home and I know He breathes in the moment too, just like us. So often He speaks to me during this time, or ministers to my weary, broken soul. My house is a mess, the dishes fill the sink, the laundry goes unwashed, but what else can I do? How can I not respond to the voice of my Lover calling me to dance with Him? Everything else does eventually get done...usually.

The point is worship shouldn't just happen Sunday mornings. And it doesn't have to look like it does for us. But I promise it changes you. Every time it changes you. I never walk away the same. And worship isn't always just loving Him. I find He is loving me more then anything else. And that is worship, because as I surrender my heart to His love He is glorified. How can we pour out to Him our love if we don't know what love is? How can we wash Him with our adoration if we've never experienced what it's like to be adored and cherished? How can we bless Him when we're empty? I was always taught that worship was loving on God. And it is. But worship is also being loved by God. If you're empty, or in lack in anyway go to Him. Don't walk. Run to His arms and be filled. Throw the checklist out. 100 thank you's and hallelujah's are not required.

Worship starts at home. Where you are. Right now. So breathe deeply and drink your fill of Him. Let Him melt your heart as you seek to touch His.

Here is a little of our spontaneous snack time worship...

Abraham's Tree

I walked around a huge tree. I stretched my arm out, like I did as a child and I walked around brushing my finger tips against the bark of this massive tree. I stopped and looked around to witness a magnificent sunset. The sky was all lit up with pink and fire. Standing on a hill near this massive, ancient tree I had a beautiful panoramic view of the nearly barren land and sky. It took my breath away. Tears streamed down my face for what I saw was so achingly beautiful.

And then I felt Him behind me. And His breath on my ear, We can stay here. Or...we can keep going.

I pondered those words most of the night and most of today. Why do I feel like this is Abraham's tree? Does Abraham even have a tree? Well apparently he does.

Gen. 12:6-10
⁶ Abram passed through the land as far as the site of Shechem, to the oak of Moreh. Now the Canaanite was then in the land. ⁷ The Lord appeared to Abram and said, “To your descendants I will give this land.” So he built an altar there to the Lord who had appeared to him. ⁸ Then he proceeded from there to the mountain on the east of Bethel, and pitched his tent, with Bethel on the west and Ai on the east; and there he built an altar to the Lord and called upon the name of the Lord. ⁹ Abram journeyed on, continuing toward the Negev. ¹⁰ Now there was a famine in the land; so Abram went down to Egypt to sojourn there, for the famine was severe in the land.


Did Abraham stop by that tree and stand in awe as I did at the spectacular view? Did he breathe deeply the smell of earth and tree, and fresh air? He saw the Lord. Can you imagine? The Lord appeared to Abraham and promised him all that he could see. So why did Abraham keep going? All that he saw was good and was given to him. Why did he proceed?

We can stop here...or we can keep going.

So Abraham moved on from there, continuing toward the Negev and straight into famine. Dry. Dirty. Famine. He left what was good and entered a place of lack. And then what? Egypt? We all know the trouble he got into in Egypt. Fear led to the lie. The lie cost him his wife. He nearly lost his life, but in the end he made it out with his wife and all that belonged to him even added a new slave named Hagar to his household. Yeah that wouldn't come back to bite him.

So why did he keep going? Why did he leave that peaceful place? It was OK. It was good even. But Papa had better in mind for Abraham. We see it just one chapter over.

Gen 13:12,14-18
¹² Abram settled in the land of Canaan....¹⁴ The Lord said to Abram, after Lot had separated from him, “Now lift up your eyes and look from the place where you are, northward and southward and eastward and westward; ¹⁵ for all the land which you see, I will give it to you and to your descendants forever. ¹⁶ I will make your descendants as the dust of the earth, so that if anyone can number the dust of the earth, then your descendants can also be numbered. ¹⁷ Arise, walk about the land through its length and breadth; for I will give it to you.” ¹⁸ Then Abram moved his tent and came and dwelt by the oaks of Mamre, which are in Hebron, and there he built an altar to the Lord.

Lot aka Plan B. Lot would have been Abraham's heir at this point in the story. No wonder he had to wait for Papa's best until he let go of Lot.

Sometimes we have to travel past good and through the valley of hardship, loss, and fear before we get to His best. And all we can do is hang on and trust Him along the way, repent when we're foolish, forgive when the need arises, and sometimes even back track. Often it means letting go. Letting go of loved ones. Letting go of our plans. But always, it comes down to our choice....

We can stop here...or we can keep going.

Relating to Papa

So it's been forever since I've blogged and now that I am I'm not even posting my own thoughts. But this is too good not to share. Written by my dear friend, Breaker, I hope it inspires much thought and encouragement. You can check out her blog here.


So... a topic got highlighted to me today, and it's just consuming my heart with its implications! I've heard these verses before, but wanted to explore them deeper with Papa, since I know Him better now.

I was reading a blog and the following came up--
"Ruth’s a Moabite–the text won’t let us forget that–and her ancestors refused to give hospitality in the form of bread and water to the Israelites as they left Egypt.
This insult led to a prohibition against the Moabites in Deuteronomy 23:3
“No [...] Moabite shall be admitted to the assembly of the Lord.
Even to the tenth generation [Hebrew-Bible-speak for, 'seriously, not
ever!'] none of their descendants shall be admitted to the assembly of
the Lord.”
Complicates things a bit, no?
Boaz doesn’t say, “Oh, hey, I’m sorry for your bad situation, Ruth,
but your ancestors insulted mine, so I’m biblically required to do the
same to you.” No.
He breaks a ‘biblical’ law to fulfill a Greater Law in sharing bread with Ruth.
And then he marries her."

Breaking the biblical law to fulfill the Greater, unspoken one. Hmm! Reminds me of the White Witch's argument of legality to take Edmund because of his treachery. She knew the Deep Magic from the dawn of time. The "rules" that the Emperor Beyond the Sea wrote to govern the world. Just as real as what goes up comes down, sin begets detriment.
But what did Aslan say after the Stone Table cracked? There is an even deeper magic that the Witch knew nothing of. The law of Love.
The accuser was created as Lucifer to witness creation and all the laws written into our world. Lucifer understood earth, water, wind, fire, and spirit. But. Lucifer did not understand Love. He didn't witness it, because it always was. Love is God. God is Love. And for him to have fought with Love the way he did and does, Love is completely missing from his book. He seeks to replace it with Power, which only goes so far...
Anyhoo! We are created from Papa's spirit, and coming into relationship with Him fully, we complete His heart again. We have a unique relationship with Him! We get to co-create, like sitting on His lap steering as He pushes the pedals....(I really hope none of this is blasphemous, because these are just a lot of my little perceptions and dreams and impressions of Papa pasted together. My imaginings.=)

Related, I wanted to look up the other verses about to God "changing His mind" and humans helping do that.

This is pasted from another website.

In Exodus 32:9-10 God tells Moses, “I have seen these stiff-necked people. Now leave me alone so that my anger may burn against them and that I may destroy them. Then I will make you into a great nation.”
(I think Papa said this because He was dying for Moses to do what he did next! He didn't sit down and accept the doom prophecy for what it said, he believed in Love and that Love would forgive, and even if God should smite him, he stood for those who needed forgiveness! Years before Jesus, Moses said "Father, forgive them!!")
In verse 12 Moses actually told God, “Turn from your anger and change your mind about harming your people.”The word that is translated in this verse “change your mind” is a Hebrew word meaning “to repent,” “to have pity” or “to feel sorrow or regret for something.”Verse 14 tells us, “So the Lord changed his mind about the harm which he said he would do to his people.”
Consider the following passages as well:
Jeremiah 26:3
“Perhaps they will listen and everyone will turn from his evil way, that I may repent of the calamity which I am planning to do to them.”
Jeremiah 26:19
“Did he not fear the LORD and entreat the favor of the LORD, and the LORD changed His mind about the misfortune which He had pronounced
against them?”
Amos 7:2-3
“I said, ‘Lord GOD, please pardon! How can Jacob stand, For he is small?’ The LORD changed His mind about this. It shall not be," said the LORD.”
Jonah 3:10
“When God saw their deeds, that they turned from their wicked way, then God repented concerning the calamity which He had declared He would bring upon them. And He did not do it.”
Ezekiel 18:23 tells us that, like all good parents, God “has no pleasure” in punishing his children, but rather wishes for them to turn from their evil ways and walk rightly, so that they might enjoy his life."

Ok....Then what are we supposed to make of this??!
Malachi 3:6 "For I am the Lord; I change not."
Numbers 23:19 "God is not a man, that he should lie; neither the son of man, that he should repent."
Ezekiel 24:14 "I the Lord have spoken it: it shall come to pass, and I will do it; I will not go back, neither will I spare, neither will I repent."
James 1:17 " . . . the Father of lights, with whom is no variableness, neither shadow of turning."

HE DOES NOT CHANGE. HE. WHO HE IS. HIS NATURE, HIS ESSENCE. That is what does not change. And of all the things describing our Papa in the Bible, the one that I find to be the most resonate, the most profound, and the most biblical (really) is that He is LOVE. He has always been love, and will always be love.
I think... and think with humility... that the "Thus sayith the Lord" doom and gloom prophecies were ones which MIGHT come true if current choices did not change. It's like telling a child, "If you don't stop hitting your sibling, you will go into time-out." The unspoken there is the Love. The nature of the parent is, "My dear child, I so enjoy watching you play in the sand! Your laughter reminds me what it is to celebrate creation, to wonder at what God did, and enjoy it with all the fiber in your being! And right now, you are not choosing well.
You are not choosing to enjoy and worship as you were. You are choosing to be irritated at your younger sibling [who does not understand politeness yet] as they reach over and take sand that you were about to take. And you have let anger take hold of your heart and turned a lesson for your sibling into an offense which you are trying to handle yourself by striking out. You will remember this day much more than the handful of sand. I long for you to choose well and let this cease to have a hold on you! Rather than me helping your un-informed sibling grow, I now have to deal with your harsh and hurtful actions.
So please, lets both enjoy the day and put this behind us! If you cannot, I must remind you that willful choices of wrong-doing separate us from the goodness of God. And you will be outside of the goodness of the sandbox and the heap you were making. But if you stop now and heed me, returning to mature choices and letting Papa's grace help your sibling forget that you hurt them, we can all enjoy the day!"

I imagine that we can change Papa's mind because, in a certain sense, He's playing a game with us. He made the rules, and when the sin in the Garden gave the accuser license to exploit these rules, Papa sat back and said to us, "Your move." Would we accept things as they are, because He wrote the rules? And in our private heart of hearts we disdain Him for the rules? Or would we appeal to the part of Him that we share, Love from His heart, that is our secret with Him beyond the reach of Accusation? If your spouse puts on a pouty face and says they won't do something you know very well they will, you laugh and maybe poke them and say "I know you better than that!" And while this deals with people's fate and health and the destiny of kingdoms, maybe Papa's moves are based on the laws of the universe until a priest who knows Love whispers in His ear "I know You better than that..."

Stay in the Pain

Ever been brokenhearted? Disappointed? Betrayed? What do you do when that happens? How do you go on? When you've been dealt a crushing blow, what keeps you going? What then?

I've come to this beautiful place in my relationship with Daddy God. I used to wonder, "Where are You?" I'd call out to Him. I'd stretch my hand out into the emptiness, in the dark and fear. And He'd come. I'd find Him. I would know He was near. I thought that was wonderful but there was always a moment of despair in loneliness.

Now, I'm in a new place of knowing Him. I sort of fell into to it. Into Him. And now, I never feel alone. No matter where I am, metaphorically or matter-of-factly, I feel Him. In me. Or me in Him. I'm not sure which. Either way, as if we share a heart beat, I'm with Him.

I tell you this to explain that after recently being crushed by a mighty wave of disappointment, you would understand that I didn't need to search Him out. I felt Him with me, absorbing my tears, taking to heart my pain. Being tossed in the wave with me. And after all my tears were spent and my heart was emptied out to Him. I heard Him ask me the same question. What now?

And slowly, nearly unconsciously I began to fill my heart myself. With bitterness. With resentment. With unforgiveness. Even with revenge. I started to feel better. A crust was forming of the broken place in my heart. It dulled the ache. I had a plan and it made me feel better. I wiped the tears away.

Ever so gently, relentlessly, I heard Him break through my senses. Striking right through my defenses His breath on my soul. Stay in the pain. 

This could easily be misunderstood but I knew right away what He meant...

To lay down my right to disappointment. To see the other person as He sees them. To feel compassion when there is nothing but His well of love to draw from. To be the one to let go. To forgive. To sink deeper into Him and watch myself fade away. It. Is. Pain. A horrible, searing pain.

To say yes to Him and die to self. To keep walking in love when all you want to do is run away in anger. To never, ever be recognized for the sacrifice. It just hurts so bad. 

But in the pain He is there. In the anger His is not. In the bitterness He is not. In the resentment He is not. But as I turn, from darkness to blinding hot pain, I feel Him. And He is proud of me. And He is love. And He fills all the empty, hurting places of my heart and I know there is more where that came from. So much more. And I'm wrapped up in Him deeper then I've ever been.

And, "What now?" you ask. You do it over and over again, every time you pour out that love to the circumstance, that part of you, you can never get back. Every time you're tempted back to not love. Go back to the pain. And He is there. Endless.

I'm Sure I'll Laugh About This One Day

It's the day before Thanksgiving and I have about a gazillion things on my list to get done before I can even start cooking tomorrow but I just had to take some time and blog.

This morning, as usual, I awoke to my two boys banging around in their room with toys. And, of course, I stuck my head under my pillow and covered myself up even deep under the covers. I hear doors up and close, the not so soft sound of pitter patter up and down the hall. But, hey, no one was screaming. I lay in bed a while longer before frantically, my daughter Lydia runs into my room saying, "Momma the boys let Ginger out and she ate the turkey!" I shoot out of my bed, now wide awake. I scream, "WHAT?!" and run, frantically down the stairs. What do I find there? My 140 pound St. Bernarnd, Ginger, stuffing her face with MY, used to be, 20 pound turkey.

*sigh* Yeah. *sigh*

Let me back up. I forgot to put the turkey in the fridge to thaw a couple of days ago. So yesterday, when I remember that it takes forever for frozen turkeys to thaw.  I realized it was too late to let it sit in the fridge until Thanksgiving. So I pulled it out to thaw in the sink. It was still covered in plastic and netting and inside two Target sacks so I thought it was safe.

Ginger sleeps in Lydia's room. It's Lydia's job in the morning to let her out to go potty. Occasionally one of the boys will open Lydia's door and let her out and she usually gets into some kind of mischief so it's very important for Lydia to get up straight away and let her outside. The boys also know they are supposed to stay in their room after they wake up and play quietly with toys until the rest of us get up. That's ideally how it's supposed to work around here. Obviously, that's not what happened today. The boys opened Lydia's door. Ginger ran out and Lydia covered her head with the pillow and snuggled deeper into her covers. Like mother, like daughter eh? Ginger stumbles upon the trash first and then discovers the somewhat thawed turkey in the sink and helps herself. It's pretty remarkable that she was able to lift a frozen 20 lb turkey out of my sink. By the time I stumbled down the stairs it looked like a crime scene in my kitchen. If I hadn't been so livid I would have thought to take a picture because I know someday I'll probably laugh over the scene. Turkey blood and guts all over my white tile and splattered over the cabinets and baseboards.

So what did I do? I calmly let Ginger out. Told the kids, in no uncertain terms to get back in their beds, and went back to my room and screamed like a crazy person into my pillow. Then I called my husband and told him all about it swearing that this was the last straw. Ginger had to go. Images of past holiday sitcoms started running through my mind. I saw myself and my three kids driving all over town searching for the last Thanksgiving turkey, pushing over little old ladies to get to a measly 5 pound turkey that I would some how have to make stretch to feed everyone. I quickly jump up, throw on some clothes, rush around to get the kids dressed and fed, and the turkey mess cleaned up. We get in the car and I rush back to Target all the while, berating my children for, "disobeying and leaving your room" and for, "not getting out of bed to let Ginger out." Conveniently leaving out that I, too stayed in bed and that if I had remembered to put the turkey in the fridge in the first place none of it would have happened either. *sigh* Once we get in the car Lydia's Awana's CD starts up. Too upset to turn it off I let it play. It keeps the kids quiet after all.

About 3 minutes into the drive the story goes like this, 3 children were getting a gift for their teacher. They just found the perfect lamp at a garage sale and went back to their club house to paint it. A fourth friend shows up and breaks it accidentally. In my head, I saw this whole scenario of the other three children shouting at their friend for ruining all their hard work and being so thoughtless and inconsiderate. I was prepared to side with them. I figured there would probably be some lesson about not being so careless with other peoples things. But no. The three children did not get up set with their friend. In fact they told her it was OK because it was just an accident. The children were calm and rational. There was no shouting or berating. Then one little girl said, "I know what to do. We should pray and ask God to help us." And so they did.

*Gulp* And then I felt like a complete idiot. *sigh* I realized I was acting like a spoiled, immature, brat, throwing a fit over a situation that was really no ones fault. Yes it was an expensive piece of meat. Yes there were things we could have all done differently. But I just got schooled by a bunch of first graders on my bad attitude.

I had to repent to my children and to God. And of course they all forgave me. And of course we got to Target and there were still plenty of turkeys. And the truth is I needed to go anyway to get a few last minute things. And I'm sure that if I let the turkey sit in warm water it will be thawed out by tomorrow to cook....hopefully! But if it's not, it won't be the end of the world. Nothing is worth loosing your dignity, and hurting other people over.

A tough, and slightly embarrassing lesson for me to learn. I'm sure this will all be funny someday. Hopefully it will be tomorrow as we all sit down to eat our Thanksgiving meal.

Blessings to you all this holiday season. Cherish this time. I know I will be.

No, It's Not Ok

If you've never read this blog before you may want to back up a bit to get to know me and what I'm about because I gotta just say this. I. Love. Him. My God. My Savior. My Pappa. My Breath. My Life. My Everything. I just love Him and sometimes I just gotta say it.

And the truth is, I don't always feel that way. I mean, I always mean to love Him but some days I get distracted and the love "feelings" just don't overwhelm me. And that's just not OK. It really isn't. When I stop and let Him wash over me. His love. His joy. His peace. I'm full. That's how it's supposed to be every day. All the time.

I'm overwhelmed by the moment. Letting the emotions of my soul enjoy what my spirit gets to partake in all the time. Just to be near Him. Just to know Him. It's what I live for.

If this doesn't describe you, well, it's not OK. Not because I'm judgmental and everyone should be like me but because the more you seek Him the more you find Him. And that moment when you do. When you find a new part of Him you never knew before. It's just so wonderful. Like all the empty broken places of your heart and soul come together and you are who He created you to be. And that's how it's supposed to be all the time.


I know we get busy. We have priorities. Children. Work. Family. Commitments. But if you are weary and tired. If you are stressed. If you are confused. Sick. Irritable. Distracted. Sad. Depressed. Lonely. Bitter. Angery. Selfish. Well. It's just not OK. There's no excuse. Not when all you have to do is stop. Just for a moment and welcome Him in. Sometimes that looks like a deep breath. Sometimes that looks like spending some time in the Word. Sometimes it's letting Him give you a new perspective. Sometimes that's dancing wildly in your living room to music created just for Him. I'm just sick of hearing, "Oh well, He knows what your life is like. He understands. It's OK." Because it's not. He does know and understand. But He's called you to something greater. To something higher. To something more wonderful then you could have ever imagined. And you don't get there by putting Him last. It's not OK to neglect your relationship with Him. It's not OK to go days with out seeking Him. It's not OK to feel like you just haven't been good enough to talk to Him with out spending an hour repenting. He says "Come." Come just as you are. Be with Him. Because anything less is just not OK. And if you don't have friend in your life telling you that...get one.

Lost in Translation

Recently, I have discovered a free online Interlinear Bible (Hebrew, Greek, and English) and I'm in heaven...actually...kind of literally! One thing I've learned is, A LOT is lost in translation. I mean, a lot. There are so many awesome nuggets of wisdom, truth, emotion, and inspiration that the English language just can not contain. I've been dissecting the book of John with my D-Group (discipleship group), delving in a chapter a week. This past week was chapter 4 and what I found was just too good not to share with all of you. This may end up being my longest, rambling post yet but just bare with me. I encourage you to read the chapter in it's entirety because I'm going to skip a few verses here and there. Which, if you're like me, means you have to make time to read the whole book. (Am I the only one like that??) Praying the Word comes alive for you like it has me this past week.

Chapter 4 of John is mostly about the Samaritan woman at the well. and that's mostly what this post will be about. It starts off in verse 5 saying Jesus came to a city of Samaria called Sychar, near Jacob's well. Being about 6 pm Jesus was weary and set by the well. Take note of that word, "weary" I'll come back to it.

I'm probably going to say the word, "interesting" in this post a gazillion times but I really have no other word to describe how, well, interesting this whole chapter has been. The first time I thought it was when I discovered what the name "Sychar" means. It literally means, "drunken." Huh. Really? There was a town that actually means drunken? Isn't it interesting that of all places to use an analogy about drinking living water Jesus stopped by a town called Drunken? And that of all places, He sat at a well and asked a woman, from the city of Drunken for, of all things, a drink? And then teaches and eventually brings eternal life to most of the Drunken town with an analogy about drinking. Living water, that is.

So Jesus is weary and seeing a woman coming to draw water (Ha! Like He didn't know she would be coming) He asks her for a drink. He didn't ask her for just any drink. The word "drink" used in verse 7 means, "to drink figuratively, to receive into the soul what serves to refresh or strengthen it into life eternal." It's actually the same word used in John 7:37- "If anyone is thirsty, let him come to Me and drink." Why would Jesus ask a Samaritan woman from a Drunken city for an eternal life kind of drink? No wonder the Samaritan woman said, and I'm paraphrasing, "Why are you asking me? You're a Jew, I'm a Samaritan, what do I know about the eternal life kind of drink?"

Now if this Man had been any other Jew, well for starters, he wouldn't have asked for a drink because we all know Jews didn't talk to Samaritans, but say he was just some other Samaritan. How would this conversation have gone down? Would she have said, "Sure I'll get you a drink, even though I've been working all day and have to haul up my own water and then carry it (most likely on her head, I mean hello) all the way back down into town." From verse 20 we know she's on a mountain. Or would she have been a little less sarcastic and just have ignored him or told him no or even would she have just gotten him a drink? I didn't go do a ton of research on all the customs of the day so I don't know what she would have said. My point is, for her, this is just another day in the life. She probably would never, in a million years, considered asking what Jesus suggested. He says to her in verse 10, "If you knew the gift of God and who it is who says to you, 'Give Me a drink, you would have asked Him, and He would have given you living water."

On a side note. Do you remember the day He came into your life? Was it like hers and so many others He encountered while He walked this earth? Was it out of the complete blue? One day you're just getting water the next day, BAM He's saving you from a pit of despair you never thought you'd be free from or maybe never even knew you were in. It's a beautiful thing, to encounter Him. We see it so often. But how different her's is from Nathan's. You can read about his encounter here.

So she makes it clear to everyone reading the story thousands of years later that she really didn't get it. Like, at all. She says to Him, "Sir, You have nothing to draw with and the well is deep; where then do You get that living water? You are not greater than our father Jacob, are You..."

Let me stop here and expound on that word, "well." It has different meanings throughout this chapter. In verse 6 (describing where they are) and 14 (when Jesus is speaking) the word "well" literally means "a well, or a fountain fed by a spring of water." But when she uses the word in verses 11 and 12 it means, "the pit of the abyss." She saw the pit, not the living water. She saw the condition of her life not what He was offering her. How could He draw the living water out of that? It's all she had ever known. It's all her forefathers had ever known. And she didn't get that He was the Messiah yet. She's honestly a little slow on the uptake but I love that because aren't we all at times? He doesn't give up on her. Instead, He reiterates in verse 13, "Everyone who drinks of this water will thirst again." Hmm. This water and anything else y'all been drinking up in the city of Drunken.

Still not realizing who she's talking to she says in verse 15, "Sir," not Messiah or Savior or anything, else because in her mind He's still this crazy Jew who's actually talking to a Samaritan, "give me this water, so I will not be thirsty" and have to climb all the way up this blasted mountain everyday and carry a giant water pot on my head all the way back down. OK, OK I paraphrased that last bit. It's just very obvious that she still does not get what Jesus is talking about. It's not really liquid water. But that's OK. If all else fails all He has to do is tell her something about herself that she already knows but knows He doesn't know, thereby a miracle for Him to know and be able to tell her. Make sense?

It's clear she doesn't get the analogy but it's really probably for all of our benefit that He used it anyway. This is that part where they have the whole, "you're not married but have been married five times but you're living with a man you're not married to" conversation. It's really a beautiful thing that of all people, He used her to save an entire city. But that's who He is and what He's about so it's not surprising at all.

He tells her all about herself but does she get it? Mmm not quite, but she's getting warmer. Verse 19, again with the Sir, "I perceive that you are a prophet. Our fathers worshiped in this mountain and you people say that in Jerusalem is the place where men ought to worship." Aaaaa bitter much? First of all what the heck does that have to do with anything? I mean really, that is so besides the point. But you know how we get when the Holy Spirit comes and convicts us. That moment the Light shines into a hidden part of our soul that was hidden for a reason, because it was ugly! We, or I guess I should say, I tend to squirm a bit. I sometimes get a little uncomfortable and try and change the subject to get that Light off myself and remind Him of all the wrongs done to me! After all she says, "Our fathers have worshiped here for generations. It's Jacob's well for crying out loud. He built it, drank from it, and fed his cattle from it but it's not good enough for you people who say we have to worship in Jerusalem or we can't worship at all." OK she, practically says that.

This is where it starts to get really good. Jesus cuts straight to the heart of the matter and again I feel like His words aren't just for her. They are for us: "Woman, believe Me, an hour is coming when neither in this mountain nor in Jerusalem will you worship the Father. You worship what you do not know; we worship what we know, for salvation is from the Jews. But an hour is coming, and now is, when the true worshipers will worship the Father in spirit and truth; for such people the Father seeks to be His worshipers. God is spirit and those who worship Him must worship in spirit and truth."

Alright here's what I think. She probably looked at Him with an extremely perplexed expression, not unlike many Jesus spoke to I'm sure. Before I move on I'd like to point out that Jesus knew she didn't know. I mean He even says it, "You worship what you do not know." She doesn't know anything about worshiping God and even after conversing WITH God she still didn't get it. But that's not the point. The Jews got salvation but only after thousands of years of having it pounded into their heads and many still missed it. But that's not the point either. It's not about where, whether on the mountain, in Jerusalem, or on a house or with a mouse or in a box in red socks. An hour is coming, and now is. All. The. Time. When the true worshipers will worship in spirit and truth. That part was for me and you. But back to her.

Does she get it? And by "It" I mean does she see HIM? Does she perceive He is her's? Does her soul wake up and see that He sees her. All that she is? All that she was created to be? Does she realize who she is talking to like He said way back in verse 10? *sigh* Sadly, no. She does not. Again, she tells Him what she knows. Which is nothing. At all. It's almost painful to see. After those beautiful words tumble from His beautiful lips she says, like an eager student to prove she's not a ding bat, "I know that Messiah is coming (He who is called Christ; when that one comes He will declare all things to us." Oh precious child. How she is loved! For He says, "I who speak to you am He." Please know I am not judging this woman. I am this woman. Have been this woman. Except for the five husbands thing, I know what it is like to see and not perceive. To hear but not understand. I know what it is to be loved by Him despite my idiocy.

"I who speak to you am He." At this point the disciples walk up and are amazed that He's speaking to her, which amazes me. I mean, hasn't He done enough amazing things by now to just trust in every single move He makes and every word He speaks without wondering what the heck He's doing and why and doesn't He know He's not supposed to do it? At least they've learned by now to keep their mouths shut (vrs 27). So she leaves. And maybe that's why He seems to me to be a little perturbed with His disciples. I wish I could have been there. I wish I could have seen exactly what happened. She leaves her pot too. He just told her who He is. And it's clear she still doesn't get it because later she tells the men in Drunken to come see a man who told her all the things that she has ever done and "this is not the Christ, is it?" Is it?

In my heart I believe that her heart must have been doing some crazy flip flops. Something had to have happened in her heart for her to be able to convince all those men to climb up that mountain. She must have been beautiful so that probably helped, but still. It was a mountain that they had to climb and even Jesus was weary from climbing it and He was probably climbing down.

"Meanwhile." Love that word here. It's like watching a movie right? Or a TV show. Two perspectives at once. She's talking to all the men and meanwhile the disciples were urging Jesus to eat something. And this next bit made my heart ache to the point I had to take a break from studying it. If you're still reading this I congratulate you and thank you. Please bare with me a bit longer.

In verse 32 Jesus does His thing, ya know, confusing the disciples and often all of us (Ha!) with riddles. "I have food to eat that you do not know about." Food. What might have appeared to be an exhausting, exasperating, in all probability pointless conversation with someone was actually, according to the Hebrew translation of that word "food," the soul's food, either which refreshes the soul, or nourishes and supports it. It's the same word used in John 6:55, "For My flesh is true food, and My blood is true drink." And John 6:27, "Do not work for that which perishes but for the food which endures to eternal life, which the Son of Man will give to you , for on Him the Father, God, has set His seal." Again, the same Hebrew word for, "eating" used in  Romans 14:17, " for the kingdom of God is not eating and drinking, but righteousness and peace and joy in the Holy Spirit." And the same as in 2 Cor. 9:10, " Now He who supplies seed to the sower and bread for food will supply and multiply your seed for sowing and increase the harvest of your righteousness."

This soul nourishing food is Jesus. It comes from Jesus. And the Father. And the Holy Spirit. It's supplied by Him, cultivated in us by Him and the harvest, in turn, is His food. His food was to do the Father's will, which was to accomplish His work. Which was to save all of us. So who are we to say, "There is yet four months to harvest" (vrs 35). For behold, "lift up your eyes" the eyes of the mind, the faculty of knowing. Say, as the men from Samaria, "we believe, for we have heard for ourselves and know that this One is indeed the Savior of the world" (vrs 42).

Out of Darkness

Had to share this with all of you. This is a really spectacular song. It's one of those totally inhabited songs ya know? I'm apparently not techie enough to figure out how to put it straight onto my blog so...Click. Listen. Soak. Download. Share. In that order :)
http://nickandmike.bandcamp.com/


Here's the lyrics:

You are the source of life
And no darkness hides in You
It trembles in Your light,
It trembles in Your sight.
 
 So shine Your light in me
And bring out the hidden things
So darkness cannot hide in me
So darkness cannot hide in me

So let Your love light the way
Let Your love light the way
Let Your love light the way to freedom.
Light the way to freedom

So all I can offer You
My heart, broken in two
My brokenness for innocence
My brokenness for innocence

We are running out of darkness
And into the light, into the light
We don’t have to fear the darkness
‘Cause we have the light
You are the light

Shine your light in me. Let that be my prayer every day.

Angels

Yesterday I colored my hair. You can see from my pic it's usually pink. I do love it when it's pink but recently I was given a lot of really nice clothes and my pink hair really clashed. I usually like to go darker in the fall and winter anyway. Why am I tell you this you ask? Because today I was taking a pic of my hair to send to my Momma and show her my new look. And check. It. Out.

You can see my confused look. What is that? I checked my flash. I didn't even have my flash on. I looked over my shoulder. Didn't see anything. I was not standing in front of a mirror. So I took another pic.

At this point I'm thinking, "Is that what I think it is?" So I took another.

I'm thinking, "Oh my gosh is that an angel? What is that?" I look over my shoulder again. Nothing. I wiggle the camera around and there is this big ball of light. So of course I take another pic.

Does that look like a hand to you? Hmm...

I normally don't get into stuff like this. So any skepticism would not surprise me. All I know is I know I'm not alone. Boom.

Straight Talkers

So last night I was reading John 1 (really, really good chapter btw) and I came across something I had never noticed before. *sigh* I just love Jesus (well that I knew). He just gets people ya know? And after reading this I. Love. Nathanael. I think we would have been pals if we had lived in the same era. If they made a movie about Jesus and the disciples I think Nathanael would have been the comic relief guy. He just tells it straight. A man after my own heart. In verse 43 of chapter one Jesus finds Philip and so Philip goes to Nathanael and says, "We found Him! The guy everyone has been writing about and looking for we found Him! It's Jesus of Nazareth." (obviously I'm paraphrasing) And what does Nathanael say? I love this guy. He says, "Can anything good come from Nazareth?" Can't you just visualize his confused look? Like, Huh? I'm sure some may think of Nathanael as a smart mouth or at best a little insensitive. But I think Nathanael was just being honest. I can appreciate a guy like that. Just tell it to me straight. That's how I am. And how often have I been misunderstood? Well, a lot. 

So I love, love, love this next part. In verse 47 before Philip and Nathanael even get to Jesus, He sees them. He. Sees. Them. And He must have shouted out because it says, "Jesus saw them coming," He says (or shouts), "Behold, an Israelite indeed, in whom there is no deceit!" Notice the exclamation mark. And I love what comes next. Nathanael says, "How do you know me?" Not, "Who? *confused look* Me? You think that of me?" I love that when Jesus called out to Nathanael and told Him who he was Nathanael did not question it. He knew who he was too. (*dreamy sigh* A man of honesty and confidence. Does it get any better?) He was a man of no deceit His intentions were never to hurt anyone with what he was saying. He was just speaking out the truth. Apparently Nazareth had a reputation for no good. And Jesus saw that bout Nathanael and validated him.

Ok so this next part cracks me up. So Jesus plays along and responds to Nathanael's question by saying in verse 48, “Before Philip called you, when you were under the fig tree, I saw you.” and Nathanael is shocked and says, “Rabbi, You are the Son of God; You are the King of Israel.” I love adding periods for dramatic affect so I picture it something like this: "Rabbi, You. Are the Son of God; You. Are the King of Israel." Remember, Nathanael is for real, there is no deceit in him so he says what he thinks. And He knows that Jesus is the Christ but I personally think He knew that from the moment Jesus first called out to Him. 

Ok so this is the part that is just awesome. Jesus starts talking Nathanael's language. I just love that! I love that Jesus just speaks to us in ways we understand. For me, He talks to me about hair. That may be weird to some people but that's kind of the point. So Jesus responds to Nathanael's dismay and exclamation with, “Because I said to you that I saw you under the fig tree, do you believe?" Some might consider Christ a smart mouth in that instant. Do you see His cocked eyebrow and look of incredulity? That's how I used to see it. But I don't think so. I don't think Jesus is like that. He's just talking straight with a guy who is a straight talker. He's speaking Nathanael's language. I imagine Nathanael is the kind of guy that didn't put up with too much BS if ya know what I mean. And Jesus meets him there. He says, "Really? You are impressed by that? Or did you know already? When I called you by name?" And this bit gets me every time. In verse 51 Jesus says, “Truly, truly, I say to you, you will see the heavens opened and the angels of God ascending and descending on the Son of Man.” 

Mm. Mm. Mm. Don't remember Jesus every saying something like that to anyone else. Jesus opened Nathanael's eyes. He said, "This is who I created you to be. I created you to be a straight talker. You cut to the truth and I love it. And now I'm going to open you're eyes and you will see. You. Will. See."

Now, for all those straight talkers out there like me and Nathanael and Jesus. Of course we've been accused of being a smart mouth and talking too much and being insensitive and too blunt or tactless. And well all of that is probably true upon occasion. But, it's a beautiful thing, what He can do to reign us in and teach us and help us. Don't loose that confidence to say what you mean. He created you that way. If it makes people uncomfortable, well, it probably should.

Well, Bless My Socks Off

We are a household that lives pay check to pay check. Not unlike many I'm sure. We have a lovely house and dependable cars and all our needs are taken care of but we often give up many of our wants. I'm pretty cool with this most of the time. I like living a simple life and am just fine not wearing name brands and all that. But I have been known to occasionally complain about not having a enough money for something I want or usually it's something I want to do. I've often asked the Lord for "big" blessings and to get us to the place where we don't have to struggle or go with out so many "wants." Anyone relate? I don't consider myself a discontent person but having some extra money to give, to save, to do any number of fun things with would sure be nice.

*sigh*

So Father has been teaching me. That's not always fun, but He's also really blessing me. Sometimes we get caught up in the big stuff or what we don't have and want that we miss out on the little things. So I wanted to list a few things that He's given me that's just been something a little extra. He's so sweet like that and it's a good way to remind yourself how good you really got it.

Last spring someone gave me a ton of beautiful, very nice quality winter clothes. I had to put them away over the summer but what a joy it's been to pull out all these goodies now that it's gotten cold again!

I recently was given 2 ginormous trash bags full of summer and winter clothes and was able to give away a lot of it. It's such a blessing to bless other people.

My mom was visiting recently and bought me and my three kids new shoes! WHAT?!

I found an amazing bargain at a consignment store and bought coats for my kids for less then what I was expecting to spend on one.

I give piano lessons. I've been so blessed to be able to do something that I really enjoy to help supplement our income. Last week two of my students had to drop out, which is a major, major bummer. I posted an add and that day got 4 more! 

My daughter needed some new markers for school and she just happened to win the quiet seat prize at church and guess what it was? A new set of markers! Can't make that up folks.

Just this week I was moaning and groaning about not getting to go on a date with my husband because we didn't have the money for a sitter and the cost of a movie. So last night was our family dinner at our church. There was a friendly chili cook off and I entered a chili in the vegetarian category and won!! I couldn't believe it. This is where the Lord really taught me something. I was honestly, secretly hoping for 3rd because I didn't believe I was good enough for 1st. So after they called the winner for 3rd and 2nd place I started to get totally disappointed! I was stunned when they called my name for 1st! Isn't that just like the Lord? Here I am hoping for crumbs and He's offering the banquet table. And don't you wonder what the prize was? A gift card to the movies! Now we can go on that date! I love it!

I've had to make a choice. Do I look at all that I'm missing out on and cry about it or do I look at all that I have and trust Him to bless and provide for me? What a joy it has been to list some of these things out and remember and thank Him. So often He's in the little, daily things we over look or take for granted.

I challenge you to look for Him in those places and see Him loving you in the quiet moments, in the smiles of your children, the phone call from a friend at just the right time, and the little blessings along the way.

I would love to hear some of your stories. Do you have a testimony of God smiling down on you in that special way that just changes everything? Please share in the comments!





Proverbs 30:8
...Give me neither poverty nor riches;
Feed me with the food that is my portion.

Down the Mountain

Have you ever tried to do something without the help of the Lord? By "something" I mean literally anything. Was talking to a dear friend yesterday about marriage, raising kids, and how to know if you have enough kids or if you're supposed to have more. Super good talk. She has much wisdom and love...actually we call her Love because, well she just is. We talked a lot about trust versus fear when it comes to how we see God and His ability to take care of us, especially when we are living His heart in these areas. I felt really good about all we had discussed. I felt like I was trusting Him with my marriage and children and the possibility of future children. Yes, I said it. Future. Children. I felt like I was trusting His timing too.

But then later, as I was having my "quiet time" with Him, He gave me a picture of what I was really doing. Ever had that happen? It's totally cool. So as I was praying about what Love and I had talked about all of a sudden I see myself flying down a hill, like the one pictured, on a bicycle. Not a mountain bike. Oh no, this was like my 3rd grade bike. It had streamers on the handle bars and a little basket in the front. I had my pink princess helmet on too. I thought I was doing pretty good. I was still on the thing after all. But you know that feeling you get when you're riding a bike or even running down a steep hill? That feeling like you can't keep up? Like you're going to face plant any second? Yeah that one. That's the feeling I got. I was breathless with anxiety. There was no way I could keep from falling. This is what raising kids with out the help of the Lord is like. Like falling down a large mountain. Ha! So true!

Then He gave me another picture. He reminded me what it was like to go trail riding on my horse (I used to have a horse). I would go with a friend, who happened to be way more experienced then I was, and we would try to find these little cliffs to climb and go down. Sometimes it was scary. Sometimes my friend wanted to go down terrain that I was nervous about. But I did trust my horse. We both had sure footed, experienced horses that knew what they were doing. The times that I was scared all I had to do was close my eyes. A horse riding expert may not recommend this but it worked for me. That's what the Lord reminded me of. I would hold on tight, lean back, close my eyes, and trust my horse. It was fun. This is how you do things, not in your own strength, but by His.

Sometimes life with God is like going down a mountain...about 30 mph...on a horse. Remember the cowboy movies where you see the cowboy gallop his horse down a steep hill? All you can do is close your eyes, hold on tight, and trust that the horse knows what it's doing. He doesn't always want to take us around the mountain. Sometimes He wants to take us straight up, down narrow paths, through rushing rivers, and down steep ravines. When we do things His way, trusting Him, and letting Him carry us it's easy...and actually kind of fun!

Titus 3:5

Wanted to share this. This reminded me that He is All the Time. A good day to remember that.

Titus 3:5 NASB:

 He saved us, not on the basis of deeds which we have done in righteousness, but according to His mercy, by the washing of regeneration and renewing by the Holy Spirit.

So many things that I love about this scripture. It's hard to get past that first bit. He. Saved. Us. Can't help but linger there in thankfulness. But it get's better, not on the basis of deeds which we have done in righteousness. I love that it says, in righteousness there. It's like he's specifically talking to those that are saved who have tried to save themselves. Ya know what I mean? There are many who have never tried to save themselves. Some of us were running in the complete opposite direction when He swooped in and pulled us up out of the pit. But for those of us who have worked hard all their lives to be good. To do good. To be righteous. He saved you, not because of those deeds but according to His mercy because nothing we could ever do would be good enough.

I recently learned that, that word regeneration, "refers to the spiritual rebirth of the individual soul." It's where we get that term "born again" from. When I think of regeneration I think of all the horrible things that could happen to a body, mind, or soul and then seeing that play backwards to become a perfect, pure, whole person. The person He created us to be. Ever seen a car commercial where they show a crash and then in slow motion move backwards to where it never happened? It goes back to the brand new car but for us we start over. We literally, "begin again."

The added word, washing paints a beautiful picture. This is not like a car wash. The Holy Spirit doesn't get out His bucket of soap and scrub brush and go to work scrubbing away our filth. Think instead of what it's like to be baptized. What a picture baptism is of what happens to our soul. I remember being baptized. I completely surrendered and went down into the water. It was like slow motion. I felt the water begin to cover me. I held my breath and gave myself to Him in a new way. I came out washed, cleaned, restored, and yes, regenerated. You can't scrub away dents and broken places or even memories of how they happened. When He washes you He restores you. He heals the broken places, seals the wounds, and replaces the memories.

Which brings me to that last bit, AND renewing by the Holy Spirit. It doesn't stop with just being saved. He saved us, regenerated us, and saves us some more. Over and over. We are saved once according to His mercy by the regenerative work on the cross. We're in. Part of the family. Going to heaven. However you want to say it. But it doesn't stop there. We can let Him save us every day by the renewing of the Holy Spirit. This is really good news. I'm so thankful to Him for caring enough about me that He'd want me to be free, regenerated, if you will, to Him. Every. Day. Or should I say every moment? Had days like that? He invades your moment, brings peace and joy but before you know it you're drowning again. The best part? We don't have to do anything but yield. Just yield. Say, "I can't do it on my own." I think that is why he added that part at the beginning about our deeds having nothing to do with salvation. They have nothing to do with it in the beginning and nothing to do with it in the renewing. It's His work, this whole saving thing. Let Him save you.

Cheek to Cheek

Hard to believe I wrote this over a year ago. In the blink of an eye my baby grew from 11 months to 24 months! Just wanted to repost this in honor of his second birthday since I didn't manage to blog about that. He still makes me smile in a way no one else can. We still like to dance. He still reminds me of the love the Father has for me.... 

I put the big kids down for naps and decided to get some house work done. Bret was happily playing in his play pen and I turned on some music. After a while Bret wasn't playing quite as happily. I picked him up, swung him around and started dancing with him cheek to cheek to "My Sweet Sweet Song". (listen here) My baby, 11 months old tomorrow. Singing softly to him, cheek to cheek. Smooching on his sweet neck. Smelling his sweet baby smell. "You are so good to me. You heal my broken heart," the words on my lips. "You are my Father in heaven." Twirling around the room with my baby. His goodness overwhelms me. How can a God who literally rides upon the clouds care so much about me? How can He love me so much? How can He take care of all my messes knowing I'm just going to fail again? "I will sing again, You are beautiful, my sweet sweet song." It's like this baby in my arms, this love He has for me. It's unspeakable, immeasurable the love I have for my son. I swing him around and he smiles. How I delight in this baby! How He delights in us, His children. He longs to pick you up and spin you around just to see you smile. "I will sing again, You are my Father in heaven, You are so good to me." Let Him delight in you. Let Him dance with you. "My sweet sweet song." There's healing in the music, in the dance. His heart beat in the rhythm. Bask in His love for you. Thank Him for all His goodness. It changes everything.

Rest in the Waiting

We are all aware of the seasons. Besides the weather we all also experience different seasons of life. I am currently in a season of waiting. I would not have said that before. I thought I was in transition. That I was transitioning from one season to another and that in the mean time I was waiting. Well, I was only sort of waiting. More like I was struggling to get to the next season. I have wanted this period of waiting to end. I have wanted it only to be a short period of transition into a new and wonderful season, most likely of my own making. I have even suggested to the Lord many fine alternatives to this waiting. I have even said that I am willing to do anything else. But I realized today. I am in transition because I have not wanted to accept the season that I'm in. I am in a season of waiting, not waiting to transition to a new season. As this revelatory idea began to bloom in my mind the Lord asked me how long I wanted the transition to take. If I was going to keep fighting it or if I would rest in the waiting.

I thought of a doctor's office waiting room. When I was pregnant with my middle child, Alex my doctor had a beautiful waiting room. It was very peaceful and calm with large black and white pictures of pregnant bellies and babies. There was always peaceful music softly playing and big comfy sofas and pillows to sit on. The receptionist was always kind and helpful. I really didn't mind that waiting room so much. I would take a book or magazine and enjoy the quiet peacefulness of waiting. Despite being a fairly impatient person by nature I didn't mind the wait because I knew it was just part of having to go to the doctor. I didn't fight it. I planned my appointments knowing there would be a 20-30 minute waiting period. I planned ahead and brought my headphones and book. I actually began to look forward to those moments of quiet rest.

If I would have gotten up and complained to the receptionist it would not have made a difference. If I would have made a different appointment I still would have had to wait. If I would have screamed or shouted it would not have gotten me in to the doctor any sooner. If I would have begged and pleaded and cried it would not have changed the fact that I would still have to wait.

Rest in the waiting.

We sing this song at church called "Everlasting God." (Actually I realized while writing this blog that there are several different songs about the Everlasting God and they all have lyrics about waiting...interesting.)
The essence of the song is:
The Lord is my light and salvation, whom shall I fear? Whom shall I be afraid?
I will wait for You, I will wait for You
I will remain confident in this, I will see the goodness of the Lord 
We set our hope on You, we set our hope on Your love, we set our hope on the One
Who is the everlasting God, You are the everlasting God, You are the everlasting.

This song is taken, quite possibly unintentionally, right out of Psalm 27. That part about hope and the goodness of the Lord is from Psalm 27:13: I would have despaired unless I had believed that I would see the goodness of the Lord In the land of the living. That word "despaired" means the opposite of hope. You could say, "I would have had the opposite of hope or no hope unless I had believed...." Immediately following in verse 14 it says: Wait for the Lord; Be strong and let your heart take courage; Yes, wait for the Lord. What do these two verses have to do with each other? What does God's goodness and my hope in His goodness have to do with waiting? I think He knows waiting is hard. We have no concept of what everlasting or eternal means. We only know time. I think He knew this idea may be hard to grasp and that is why He reminds us of His goodness and His everlasting-ness. That's why David had to tell his soul to take courage. It was not his natural inclination.
 
I am loved by an everlasting, good God. Today I will set my hope on Him. I will tell my heart to take courage. I will draw near to Him with a sincere heart in full assurance of faith by letting my Spirit minister to my soul since my heart is sprinkled clean from an evil conscience and my body washed with pure water. I will hold fast the confession of that hope without wavering, for He who promised is faithful (Heb 10:22-23). I will rest in the waiting.