Did God heal my speaker? I don't know. Let me back up a bit and you can judge for yourself. Yesterday I had an errand to run after my husband got home so I managed to get out of the house by myself. When that happens I crank up the volume in my mommy mobile aka my van. The speaker on the front driver's side has not been working. Not too big of a deal. It does make this rattling sound but you can't really hear it if the volume is up loud enough. Anyway I was grumbling to myself that it was kind of annoying and that I wished it worked. After about a mile or so I noticed that the speaker started working. Totally cool. I'm not saying God healed it but it was still cool enough for me to feel like a dork for complaining about it in the first place. So I'm jamming down to some freaking awesome tunes, ran my errand, and as I head back home I get stopped at a stop light. I noticed the guy in the van next to mine had his windows down. It dawned on me that his air conditioner must not have been working. I immediately felt compassion for him since it was about 114 degrees out at the time. Spontaneously I thought "God if my speaker can randomly start working could you give this guy a little miracle and cause his ac to start working too?" This is probably crazy talk, I know, but what can I say? My mind is kind of a crazy place. Anyway of course my next thought was that I would even be willing to give up my fixed speaker if God would fix that guys ac. I was feeling pretty good about my selflessness in that moment for about a split second until my next thought: "Would you give up your ac for him?" Ouch because honestly before I put any rational thought into it my answer was resoundingly NO. What does this have to do with makeup? Well I think for me it's just another bite of humble pie. The whole idea of this fast is to look deeper and see myself the way Father sees me. Even though I know He created me beautiful I'd like to allow Him to perfect that beauty within and if that means giving of myself, letting go of all my pride then I hopelessly surrender because I know there is no way I can make it on my own.
I took my daughter to have a special lunch date with me and my husband today. Going to meet my husband at a restaurant was really intimidating with out makeup. I like to look good for my man and I like to know I look my best...well pretty much all the time. One thing I found interesting though was that I really wasn't any more self conscious then usual. Believe it or not I'm not super confident in the way I look or dress or speak and the list goes on. I'm loud and obnoxious, I interrupt and I never know for sure if I'm wearing the right shoes. I'm however, really good at blustering my way through pretty much any situation, awkward as they may be. So it was enlightening that the way I felt without makeup was pretty much the same way I feel all the time. It was maybe a little more intense but was still all too familiar. What does that mean? Could it be there is a deeper issue? I say that sarcastically because obviously there is. All I can say is that like everyone else, I'm running to the cross. Praying He changes me from the nothing that I am into something useful He can use. Loving Him, trusting Him along the way. And if I can be so bold (this is for you Liz ;)) as to quote Lady Gaga I'll say that I'm hanging on a moment with Him. I'm on the edge of glory.
