I didn't really want to bring up suicide, it's not really the point I am trying to make but I just want to say for the record I realize that a number of factors come into play when a person commits suicide. I bring this up because yesterday morning was one of the worst I've had in a long time in the way of parenting. Let me back up and say I have three wonderful children, who I love more then my own breath.
A five year old daughter, Lydia.
A two year old boy, Alex.
A 10 month old boy, Bret.
I also babysit a 2 year old 12 hours a day. It's not so much that they were misbehaving or anything like that, it's just that... Well I have been literally up to my eyeballs in poop. Don't get me wrong, I'm pretty tough when it comes to diaper changes. I've had plenty of bad experiences in the dirty diaper department over the last 6 years but never anything this bad. So, as I'm literally wiping poo off the floor I began to think, "Is this really my life?" Any moment I expected to wake up to Morpheus asking me if I wanted the blue pill or the red pill, that I could choose to go back to a "normal" way of life. (For those of you who don't know what I'm talking about click the Matrix ) I prayed "God, surely this is not Your plan. Surely there is something far more grand you had intended for my life." A bit melodramatic, I know but after countless dirty diaper changes in such a small period of time, you'd be asking "Why me?" too. Then I came across this article. It hit me, all these diaper changes, all the meals, all the baths, all the mopping up of bodily fluids...it all has meaning. There is purpose in all of it. OK so maybe there isn't really any "deeper" meaning in diaper changes. But loving them through it all, teaching them, leading by example, instilling values in their lives, that gives meaning to my life. I some times wonder if Father God doesn't ever get tired of mopping up my "poo". Does He ever tire of my endless whining and complaining like I sometimes do of my children? I don't think so. For one thing He's way more patient then I am but I believe He is patient because He can see the big picture all the time. I can (normally) be patient while potty training because I know eventually there will be no more accidents and I'll no longer have to change a diaper. Father looks at me and He thinks I'm worth the investment. He's given me value. It's the value He's placed in all of us that I have to teach my kids. This deep knowing that they are loved no matter what happens and they can fall into His loving arms at any time. This is what my job is so that when things in life get tough they have a "deep-lying ideology to support them when they are under emotional stress," so they have something to fall back on when things get tough.
Romans 5:1-5 MSG
1-2By entering through faith into what God has always wanted to do for us—set us right with him, make us fit for him—we have it all together with God because of our Master Jesus. And that's not all: We throw open our doors to God and discover at the same moment that he has already thrown open his door to us. We find ourselves standing where we always hoped we might stand—out in the wide open spaces of God's grace and glory, standing tall and shouting our praise.
3-5There's more to come: We continue to shout our praise even when we're hemmed in with troubles, because we know how troubles can develop passionate patience in us, and how that patience in turn forges the tempered steel of virtue, keeping us alert for whatever God will do next. In alert expectancy such as this, we're never left feeling shortchanged. Quite the contrary—we can't round up enough containers to hold everything God generously pours into our lives through the Holy Spirit!
